Clear Is Kind; "How Open Would You Be...?" Is Unkind

When you are asking someone for a favor, help them help you by asking the clearest question possible.

Remember, Brené Brown said:

Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.

Asking an unclear question could leave the person you are asking with homework to do, feelings of obligation, or just plain confusion. That is unkind.

Here’s an example of what I mean.

“Hey Jen. I know that you are friends with [name of person]. How open would you be to making an introduction?”

Seems simple enough, right? Wrong!

First I have to assess my level of openness. And then based on that assessment, I have to come to a determination of if that is open enough to make an introduction. But what kind of introduction does this person want? Should I weigh all those options as well? Now I am annoyed. And since the person’s ask requires more than a yes or no answer, I put the email in my to-do list. But more important things take over. And then a week from now I delete the task of answering the email from my to-do list because if I didn’t make the time to answer last week, I won’t make the time to answer this week.

It would have been so much easier if the person had simply asked:

“Hey Jen. I am hoping to connect with [name of person]. Can you connect us on an email?”

Simple. Clear. Yes or no.

So why is this so hard? Because many of us would rather get no answer at all than to get the dreaded “no.”

Which leads us back to Brené. “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” If I say “no” to you, even though it may not be the answer you want, letting you know exactly where you stand is kind. That allows you to close the loop, reassess your options, and look for another connection point.

Let’s all be a little kinder. Clear is kind.